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What should I do, how can I get him back

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
30

What are the ages of the other people involved:
33

What is your relationship status:
In Committed Relationship

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
5years

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
I have 2 he has 4

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

I've been in a relationship with my BF for 5 years. During that I had to live with my kids father for 2 but in seperate rooms, he cheated on me multiple times I had an abortion found out he was with another girl and even moved in with her which he promised me he wouldn't do. I moved out when I could afford it. He and my ex fought bc my ex came to the house and was banging on my windows and etc. I tried to stop them. I found out I was pregnant again. Then had a miscarraige. He got this girl pregnant and didn't even tell me I found out 4 months later on fb. When the baby was born it was the anniversary of my misscarrage. I felt awful. My ex played me into sleeping with him. I did it one time and never repeated. I sent a couple of pics and stopped less than a weeks time. Then I was fully committed again bc I love my BF. My bf became faithful, even discussed a marriage date. We had signed a lease together. Then my ex sent him the screenshot of the video I didn't realize he took of us together and the pics over 10minths ago. My bf left stopped our lease and said he was letting go. Now he is saying he is giving me a chance but we aren't together...he isn't sure if he can ever get over this. He says he holds grudges and never gets over things and can't tell me what to do....says he feels Like he owes me this. Says he cares about me and my kids but is angry and also hates me.
What can I do?

Re: What should I do, how can I get him back

#2
If you focus on shoring up your own life as a single mother (emphasis on single) this ex-boyfriend that you want back, is more likely to see you as someone who really wants to be with him. It sounds like you were with your ex, and then you were living with that ex while you were with your more recent ex, and then you moved in with your more recent ex, but you cheated on him with your former ex. This more recent ex feels burned, and if you put yourself in his shoes, I'm sure you can see why. :oops: Since you want the more recent ex back, you need to show him that you're okay on your own and you don't need to be with someone. He needs to see that you're not going to go back to the other ex. That's why living alone, making a good life for yourself and your kids, is the best way for him to see the kind of person he wants -- someone who is not going to run back to your other ex.

As for you, personally, it's important that you find some closure from that earlier relationship. Since that man is the father of your two children, it's going to be impossible to not have him in your life, but you have to find closure on the romance so that if bad things happen in life, you don't run back to him for comfort and sex -- especially if you're with someone else. That's going to take time, and you processing what happened, who you are and who you want to be. None of this is an easy fix, and because you cheated on this last boyfriend and he's telling you that he's trying to forgive you, but he holds grudges, you have to show him your commitment to living a good life that he wants to be part of. 8-)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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