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HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#1
Are you male or female:
Male

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Female

What is your age:
27

What are the ages of the other people involved:
26

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
3 years. Friendship

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

So I've known this girl for about 4 years. We met back in early 2014, but we drifted apart back in early 2016. She always had a special place in my heart, though. We'd see each other at parties here and there after the drift, but that was it.

Well, Saturday April 29th was different. I ran into her at a big event. We gave each other a huge hug, flirted a little bit, and had a great time. Anyway, I had to leave early, and I said my goodbye. Before I left, she asked me not to go, and seemed very bummed out.. She really didn't want me to leave because we were having a good time. A few days after the meetup, I followed up with her saying it was good to see her and that I am going out of town this following week, but would like to get together after I get back She said sure, gave me her schedule, and suggested dinner.

When I got back I texted her. She asked if I'd be down to get dinner the next day. I told her that I had lost my wallet, and I might have to shoot for another time. She then insisted that she'd cover for me and I accepted.We hung out, had dinner get together with some of her friends. I messaged her 5 days later. I said it was cool seeing her, and that I would like to see her again Tuesday when I am off. She never texted back. I texted her Friday of the same week just saying "Hey. What's up?" No reply.

All in all. I don't want to lose her. I have not yet been able to find any that I have bonded with as much as I have her. I've tried Tinder, OKCupid, and even in person. I don't want to be a desperate creep, but I want to try as best as I can.

Re: HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#2
You have to get out of the friend zone! You're mired in it, and she tried to leverage a date, but it sounds like you kept things friendly when you had an opportunity for romance. :? She likes you, but she's not getting the message that you like her as more than a friend, in spite of the flirting. You have to dial it up. If you've lost your wallet, let that be your problem, not a shared one. You have to pivot from being a friend to being boyfriend material. So, send her a dozen roses with a card that insinuates you want more than friendship, and follow up by asking her out on a date -- use the word 'date'. Make it romantic, hold hands, kiss and set the new baseline normal for dating, not friendship. I know this is a leap for you after being her friend for a few years, but unless you change your profile, she's going to feel rejected. Her asking you to have dinner with her was her attempt to move this to dating, and she didn't get the response she wanted. She feels rejected and is giving you the cold shoulder to protect herself. Break down the wall and change the relationship status. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Re: HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#3
Well, here is the thing. I felt actually rejected by her. First, she offered to cover for me. Secondly, at the last minute she made it a group plan with her friends rather than a one on one thing. Maybe it wasn't rejection and I took it that way.

Either way, I didn't flirt. Because if I did and got rejected, I'd look like a creep in front of her friends.

That being said, she probably does like me. I do want to show I like her back, but I feel like getting her flowers is a very bold move and could be very creepy if she doesn't feel the same way back.

What can I do? It's been 2, almost 3 weeks since we seen each other. And almost a week since I last texted her.

Re: HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#4
While you may feel rejected -- if you want to date her, you need to get over those feelings and focus on your goal. ;) Besides, she didn't really do anything wrong -- she invited you to dinner and when you said you lost your wallet, she offered to pay for your dinner. That's just generous. :) And she probably invited her friends at the last minute because she felt weird that she had asked you to dinner and was fearful of appearing to be too pushy or forward. The ball is really in your court.

You're letting your feeling get in the way of your success -- fear of looking creepy in front of her friends prevented you from flirting. :( Fear of looking creepy to her is keeping you from sending flowers. :( Time to get over those fears! :D If you make a mistake, it'll be an honest one, but if you hit a home run, you'll get her attention. Isn't the risk worth the possible embarrassment? I think so!

You have to change your behavior so that she sees you as someone who cares more about dating her than you do about your own embarrassment. When you put her first -- or a date with her first -- you're going to look like boyfriend material. :D Take the step -- yes, it's bold -- but you need to break out of the friend zone. It can be roses, some other gift -- but it's got to be something that shatters the pattern you've been in for the last few years.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Re: HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#5
Isn't it too late? I already sent one text. One asking her to hang out again and offering to cover. The other one saying what's up. I don't have her exact adderss atm so I can't get her flowers. I feel like she may be with another guy and moved on. It sucks, because I really like her. Do I have any other options besides to give up? I really like her and don't want to.

Re: HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#6
It seems like you're looking for ways to give up. I don't think you should. :( You've liked her for a long time and never made a move. You can do it now, or you can wait -- but I think you need to practice some Carpe Diem! Seize the day and change the dynamic in your relationship with her by changing your behavior. ;) Texting her to hang out or to cover your half of the dinner isn't romantic and it isn't getting you out of the friend zone. You have to start doing things differently if you want a different outcome. If you like her, and you don't act, you're going to have regrets -- and that's way worse than acting and getting shot down. Don't panic, but do make a grand gesture to try and reboot the relationship and shift it out of the friend zone. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Re: HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#7
Okay, I will move the thread bcak to here.

So in your earlier comment saying when she DID text me back it would have been a great time to start a conversation and ask her out. Well, I didn't . I texted back a very boring message. Did I permanently mess it up, or can I still salvage this? I really like her and I am scared I just ruined it for good and that it's too late :(

She didn't reply back to my last message that I showed you where I told her how I was doing and the huge project I've been working on.

Wouldn't calling or trying again be considered harassment?

Re: HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?

#8
You can definitely salvage this! ;) That's why I mentioned moving off of text and onto a phone call. Call her up, flirt with her, ask her about herself and compliment her -- and then ask her out on a date. It doesn't sound like you've ever asked her out -- and it would be a shame to have regrets, especially since you think she's "the one" that got away -- simply because you were too fearful to get up to bat. ;) The worst thing that happens if you do ask her out on a date is that she says no. The best thing that happens is that she says yes! :D Calling her on the phone is definitely not harassment. It's a guy going after what he wants. 8-) It sounds like the big problem here is really your fear of rejection. It's very common and I get it. But... you have to push through it and face your fears. Get out of the friend zone, and become a boyfriend or a date. Pick up the phone and ask her out! :)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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