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German Cultural Difference or Just a User?

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
32

What are the ages of the other people involved:
45

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
8 months

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

I met a German doctor who's never been married and he doesn't have kids. He lied about his age at first.. He moved to my town a year ago and admitted failed attempts to dating co-workers. When we first met he seemed really great, but he refused to let me meet anyone in his life, he didn't consider his coworkers personal friends and had no friends outside of work, his family visited from Germany he said he didn't want me to meet them. He introduced his coworker to them. 8 mos later he's made mean remarks about everything I do -talk, hair, tattoos etc. He yelled at me for texting him too much at work. I'm not normally the jealous type but I was irritable, drinking, depressed and started making irrational accusations. . I considered because he's an Aquarius I'm just pushy. He got me me a gym membership, Hawaii trip, marriage and baby talk,, paid medical bills. I figured just me paranoid. A month ago he starts wanting to only hang every other day and going on weekend trips with coworkers. He never let me take pictures with him and had no Facebook. After fighting so much and feeling deceived/crazy I broke up with him. He threw my stuff over my gate along with a $, he said he didn't want me to think he was a bad guy and asked if I believed him, that he cared, never lied. He mentioned possibly hanging out someday. I know this isn't love. I feel mindf*cked. Can anyone explain what was with the $ -what I should probably expect with this personality type? Is this just how German men act? Was I too pushy? Any advice to avoid this situation again?

Re: German Cultural Difference or Just a User?

#2
He's a 45 year old guy who's never been married... that's a little bit of a red flag. The second problem is that he didn't introduce you to his friends or co-workers. When a guy is proud of you and wants the world to know he's dating someone who is important to him, he will want to show you off. That he didn't, is a sign that he wasn't that into you. :? And that he was introducing his family to his co-workers means that he wasn't interested in integrating you into his full life. Flag three is that he didn't introduce you to his family -- always a relationship benchmark. And since he told you that he'd previously dated people at work, and before breaking up with you started taking weekends away with co-workers, I think he was probably looking to these co-workers for romantic and social opportunity. If you add up all those red flags -- I don't think this is because of his culture. I think it's just him not that interested in you. :( I'm sorry you're hurt by all this -- but I think it's a good opportunity to remember that if a guy doesn't introduce you to his family and friends, he's not that into you. When you notice that's not happening, you can temper your own expectations -- and that's your part in this. ;)

As for the money, that's just a little weird and it's his way of alleviating his guilt for any inconvenience he caused you as a result of the break up. You can give back to him, or spend it -- but don't get all worked up over it. It's just weird. It's not nefarious.

Hope that helps!
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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