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Advice on boyfriend issue

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
36

What are the ages of the other people involved:
32

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
3-4 months

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
I have a 2 year old he has no kids

What country do you live in:
USA

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Both Christian

My husband passed away in August due to suicide. He had PTSD and drug problems. He was a veteran. 2 months later I met a man named Chris through tinder. We started dating right away. He has an anger problem and when we argue he calls me names. I've broken up with him over this a couple times and each time he threatens suicide when I leave him
He's in the process of seeking help from the VA (he's also a veteran and has PTSD). He tries to cut himself and yesterday he threatened to take pills. I've told him how stressful this makes me feel since my husband passed and its not a healthy relationship for me. On the plus side He's very loving, and affectionate . we have good times and for the most part we get along . he craves lots of attention and he can be very insecure about me and has trust issues even though I give him no reason to feel this way. I feel we can have a great relationship. He wants to marry me but if we marry I lose my widow benefits. He's on disability income and is in the process of getting an increase soon. I do love and care for him and I'm not sure how to go about this if I should even keep sticking around hoping for change or cut my losses. Any advice please?

Re: Advice on boyfriend issue

#2
I'm very sorry about your husband. What a sad story. :( Because his recent death was so traumatic -- for both you and your child, my advice is to slow things down with your social life. You met this guy only two months after your husband died and you've only been dating him for three months and already issues like this guy's suicidal tendencies as well as marriage are coming up. Slow down. Consider taking a year to heal from the aftermath of your husband's death. Then, play the field. Don't jump into anything. You've been through so much it will be easy to make decisions now that you might regret later. So after a year of healing, use this timetable: The first three months of dating anyone should be used simply to get to know each other and to decide if you want to continue dating. If you do, use the second three months to decide if you want monogamy. And don't make any big decisions, like moving in together or getting engaged, for the first year. This may seem like it's slow as molasses, but you'll be focusing on getting to know each other over that time period and you'll be less likely to jump into something that's a mistake.

As for this guy, he's suicidal and he needs help you can't give him. Therefore, you need to take his threats to commit suicide seriously. Reach out for help -- call his family, a hospital, your doctor, a fire department on an emergency operator and tell them when he threatens suicide. You have to take this seriously -- for your health and his. Report his suicide attempts today -- and take a dating break for a year. Just nurture your child and yourself. You deserve some peace and nurturing. Take it.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 26,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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